life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
