i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
