my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
