She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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