Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
