Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
