i was born a porn star she said
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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