you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
