I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
