who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
