Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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