My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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