remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
