It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
