Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
