dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
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I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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