ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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