There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
