I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
