1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I checked into jail on foursquare
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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