I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
so that wasnt chicken after all
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
