Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
not ubering you a puppy
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
