She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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