I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
