if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
operation harelip BJ is a go
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
