At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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