so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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