Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
