I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
