With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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