The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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