you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
