In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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