At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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