I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
