OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
