Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you have feelings for this penis?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
