I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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