i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
