also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
