I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
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May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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