Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
