My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
These tits shall not be calmed
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
