John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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