its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
