I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
