He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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