he was CRYING into my vagina
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
