I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
