I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
