the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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