Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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