I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
