Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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