i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
