Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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