what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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