there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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