We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize