I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
