Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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