please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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