even my farts smell like vagina
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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