"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He shit in the fireplace
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