This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
