The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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