I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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