I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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